Oh, He's Just Playing...

Daily Garden Gnome left by my neighbors

Writing in the local paper. Local Issues with a global take. I never translate literally and the editor trims at will to make it fit. Here's my version, then theirs.

I must have missed the email. Or perhaps the message came via SMS, like the ones Donald can now send out in case of national emergencies and it somehow got lost. I guess it could have been an old fashioned letter but whatever the case is, I didn’t get it. As a result I missed the decree and I am now the only person left in town without a dog. While this may seem an easy enough cross to bear, not owning a dog does come with its inconveniences. Just the other day while attending some Blues festival concerts in el Corral de las Ciguenas and later in Santa Maria, I wasn’t able to fully participate in the shows as those who had brought their dogs could. Without a dog, I couldn’t add to the barking and howling of those around me and I have to admit that I felt a little left out. Then the other day as I sat in a terrace having a caña (wee beer), I think that my relative silence must have annoyed those around me. Just next to me, four, respectable looking middle-aged people sat, talking somewhat loudly as they struggled to hear each other over the constant, sharp barking of the dog that was impatiently wailing from beneath the table. Their impassive faces, as if they didn’t even notice the urgent barking, was surely some sort of signal to me of their disapproval of my doglessness. This sentiment must have also been shared by the three or four other tables with dogs who also joined in with the little terrier under the table. But perhaps my biggest regret is that I can’t repay my neighbors and visitors to the old town who leave little presents every day for me in my street, taking the extra time to liven up my door with some eau de toilette from their little Rover. I’m not sure if my dogless state will result in an infraction or fine, but in a city where they say there are now more dogs than children under five, I hope my own kids don’t scare your animals because, while they may seem ferocious, “they only want to play” and will hopefully help pay your pension in the future.